Thursday, February 27, 2014

A Noble House

Both tables are probably okay for day or night but are segregated anyway. 

  1. Albino footman sneaking off or a quick drink or six. W: hides bottle, returns smiling to work.
  2. Servants sneaking off to eat the magnificent scones they've swiped. Connoisseurs. "Just don't tell the master!"
  3. The trained monkeys are loose; the children are chasing them
  4. Hunting party heading out / back in for tea and political discussion. 
  5. Lady's maid hauling armful of new dresses for her ladyship to try / to give to charity those her ladyship disliked
  6. Unexpected relatives arrive, on tour of house
  7. Suitor comes courting, wishes private space to talk—a good match
  8. Corrupt priest arriving for daily absolution of serial kidnapping torturing murdering lord—you should see the basement 
  9. Nicehair the Footman eavesdropping on the maids: scandal in the family. Nicehair schemes to use for own advantage. 
  10. Gardeners changing / having changed to bring thirteen new floral species for butler's inspection—anxious because they haven't named them yet and know Butler will have them canned if names are lame. R+ if PCs give good names quickly. They know secret garden entrance to cellar. 
  11. Youngest sister insisting that Pvt. Wixham loves her and that she herself is "ineluctably in the grip of eros". Older sisters try to talk sense, useless, threaten to tell Daddy; youngest runs out crying to meet Wixham at the barracks. 
  12. Three visiting sisters have come down with the flu, can't possibly return home in such a state. Lying on couches, reading aloud, singing and oh do play a tune, dear. 
  13. Vivant the wine-seller waiting to e seen by butler. Super posh vintages, super nosy guy. Butler can't stand him, will make him wait 10 minutes. Vivant pokes in desk, finds evidence of scandal. 
  14. Upper councilman arrives w aides to talk bribery. Aides trying to find suitable pillow for politico's rear. 
  15. Operatic performance ongoing. Villainous attendee sneaking around looking to commit crime. 
  16. Valets off for a smoke. Scandal discussed in whispers. 
  17. Ladyship high as a kite, wandering around with wicker basket trying to gather as much fruit as possible to take to her bedroom. Thinks he's in the kitchen. "Very curious," she says when she sees, say, a bed. 
  18. Tutor instructing the children. Mention random historical fact. Write it down. Use it later as clue/solution to puzzle. 
  19. Screaming and crying. Youngest son is being "disciplined"—locked in pitch black closet. Who knows how long now. 
  20. Lepers wandering house. Look like zombies. Searching for master of house, who will sit them at his table and dine with them on the finest foods. 
  1. the son and his lower class g/f finding a quiet place to fornicate. W: shall fornicate; son sees g/f out the servant's entrance.
  2. butler retires here with a glass of scotch and a book. W: reads for an hour, laughing / setting book down to pray and return to reading / loudly disagreeing / woww. 
  3. tryst between:
    1. lord/lady
    2. servants
    3. upstairs/downstairs
    4. downstairs/someone from town
    5. I know I'm engaged to X, but I'm really in love with you, and we all just have to do what makes us happy don't we? That's what I think. That's what I think. Anyway. How do you feel about it. Oh? Well. 
    6. She doesn't understand me, but you do. Oh, you're so complicated.
  4. servant fight club
  5. servant bowling/card game
  6. upstairs high stakes card game with fellows from town; one is a cardsharp
  7. lady of house enters secret shrine, performs forbidden pieties, returns looking over shoulder
  8. lord of house meets his well-paid lover, all very businesslike
  9. the crazy aunt has gotten out again
  10. little johnny taking the dog out on his midnight walk again 
  11. granny quietly tapping away at her ghastly marble sculpture
  12. the hunter of the family on a stroll to his trophy room to say goodnight as is his wont with all his mounted animal friend-heads
  13. the priest on retainer making his holy-water-sprinkling rounds, as house is known to have problem with demons
  14. toddler out of nursery again, quietly playing with toys. Talking to someone. Probably ghost. 
  15. New guard on the job, super vigilant, wants to impress heiress, keeps mustache for such purpose
  16. lady sewing the dress in which she intends to kill herself forthwith
  17. penitent son reading the scriptures in isolation, weeping and whispering vows
  18. loving parents headed to/from nursery to check in on sleeping infants
  19. the dogs out for their midnight tinkle
  20. orange cat won't stop following you and meowing

The Competition

This is a table for rival adventuring parties.


  1. Spattered with blood, running away and screaming; someone's guts fall out, and he falls down and won't stop screaming. The rest leave him behind. Roll more WM checks until he stops screaming. He wants you to hold him.
  2. Inventory check. Says Stringybeard: we got water? Threeteeth: check. W: Bread? Check. How much? 2 days. No, three days. Three days? One, two, three. Three. Three days. Check. Wait, could you count that again? One, two, three. Three days. Check. Could you count that again? W: Threeteeth catches on; they move on to rope, then head in.
  3. An old fashioned singing, hands clasped behind backs: and a one and a two and a three and a Mine eyes have seen the glory of the slashing of his sword / It is cutting flesh and splashing marrow . . . . Thereafter, leader gives rousing sermon: the lord wants you to be rich; he wants you to be happy; you just gotta embrace what he's already got lined up for you, do you see? Do you SEE my brothers and sisters? Somebody give me a yes lord.
  4. Trying to hype themselves up for going in. They want nothing more than a reason to go home while still saving face in front of each other. W: hyping crescendo. They go in. W: such screaming. Only one makes it out, and he begs to be escorted back home: too scared to be by himself, will curl up outside entrance if P insists on delving.
  5. Waiting quietly in cover to ambush the treasure-laden and hp-low. Desperate. Will wait here until they get too hungry. They're cashing out after this and moving out of the city ASAP. W (3 hours): they'll just go in themselves.
  6. Hauling out treasure, nervous and loud. Each holding with both hands a fragile amphora worth 20g, ~10g each in backpacks, along with random adventurer stuff.
  7. A single dirty man with a large sack and no nonsense. Heisenberg: he is dying; he's seen some stuff; and this haul will set his family up after he's gone.
  8. The solitary dogmaster out with his pack of 6 war dogs. Letting them do their business before everyone heads in. Trying to learn to whistle. W: he returns to his camp. They delve presently. 
  9. A woman praying face in the dirt. She is devout and brave and willing to just walk away. Also willing to apply mace to your face. On quest for particular relic. Outsider in her party. W: returns to party.
  10.  Sitting in camp eating dry and dusty things. Getting liquored up in preparation, telling scar stories. W: a toast to their patron/deity/leader, and off they go. 
  11. Surrounding a badly wounded friend. Waiting on the rest to emerge from below. They won't. W: they realize the others are dead, leave just one to tend to the injured man, will eventually return. W: injured man requests the singing of the newest song in the world; his caretaker sings it; man dies; caretaker turns away, sits stunned, will remain until others return. 
  12. Arguing over "going back there". Squarejaw insists "You wanna cross this? You wanna cross this?" Greasehair: "Yeah, I wanna cross this." "Then do it." "I will." "Then do it!" "I'm about to." "Then do—" Greasehair socks Squarejaw in jaw. Squarejaw: "You crossed this," shocked and kinda fine with it now. Greasehair: "We're going the other way." Others: "Seems fine." They go. 

  1. Impromptu last rites. W: religious one finishes makeshift eulogy, asks for remembrances to be said. Make them earnest and inappropriate. They leave him and move on. 
  2. Picking the gear off two fallen comrades. Nosetalker insists on the "sandalwood-hilted knife". Bigchin already has it, finders keepers. Nosetalker escalates while Bigchin ignores: insists it was promised to him, contract back at camp, you can't appreciate the craftsmanship. Bigchin's nonchalances induces murderous rage. 50/50 Nosetalker stabs Bigchin repeatedly while others look on in horror / Bigchin defends himself, pulps Nosetalker's head against the flagstone. "Had it comin."
  3. Running like crazy, tossing away held gear to run even faster. What they're running from is coming in less than a minute. 
  4. Taking a rest, guzzling water. Arguing over map accuracy. Shorty: "You think you can do better? You do it then!" Longface: "I'm not saying you're doing a bad job; I'm just trying to communicate that I'd prefer it if maybe you were more careful." Shorty: "More careful!?" W: candle catches map on fire, panic. They had back to tavern. 
  5. Bard tuning lute, muttering to himself. Trying to remember lyrics to song he wrote. It's going to be his first performance of original material for the guys, and he's really nervous. It's about their exploits. W: he clears his throat, and heads back to play. They're resting nearby. 
  6. Searching for a secret door. Fatty arguing with Stringbean: Stringbean bored, wants to move on. Escalation. W: Stringbean says, "Fine, I'm going, with or without you guys." They'll follow him in a minute. 
  7. 10' poles out, tapping for pressure plates. W: hit a chest-high wire, scythes out of the walls cut front rank in half. Back rank freaks out runs screaming back. WM checks, please. 
  8. All sleeping from sleep trap except one, nearby, too paranoid to wake them for fear of being seen. 
  9. Making rubbings on the walls for return to Kurudan the Recondite. Rubbings recount history of place, give clue to creation of new spell. Kurudan has already paid in the form of 30g each, a pair of grease scrolls, and a wand of weightlessness (4 charges, command word "weightless" in whatever language, makes user as in outer space for 1d4+1 turns or until "weight" is said). 
  10. Picking through crevices, holding results up to light. After particular fungus for use in poisons. For debt to nasty people. Increasingly nervous as they can't find the proper orange and blue spotted kind. 1/6 chance it's in a room down here. Poisoned with slow poison, will die unless said fungus is returned "patron" within 12 hours. 
  11. Obsessed over a dark flagstone. "I'm not touching it; you touch it." Escalates until someone stomps on it. "See? It's fine. Stop being so—" He steps off it, and a pit opens on either side of him. Front rank of companions fall in and break legs. He's in shock. 
  12. In the middle of a fight, looks pretty even. R+ if the PCs join in. 50/50 shot of monsters winning. Whoever wins only has a couple people left and are not in the mood for more fighting.

Monday, February 17, 2014


  1. Feather-capped, chiseled-jawed merchant checks his pockets. Relief: all the cash still there. Whew. For now. 
  2. Prince Baltic smooching in the alleyway with Griselda, pregnant with illegit issue of said prince. True love and all. The PCs put 2 + 2 together. Blackmail. 
  3. Yrfald the goody goody priest high as a kite on frittermine, this new hotness. People haven't noticed yet. His reputation would be ruined. Save him, and you've got leverage. Take the three additional doses he's got on him, and you've got something else. 
  4. Tarped wagon broke down. Driver heading to get help. Few people milling about. Driver glancing back. Under the tarp, insignia of fancy merchant house visible: super luxe goods therein if you want to risk grabbing them. 60/40 you get seen. 
  5. A grizzled man with no legs hand-walks up to you, asks for you to put some money in the pouch that hangs open from his neck. Whatever P does, he says, "I see," and literally disappears. Depending on what god he was manifesting, relevant PC will find himself blessed/cursed/tricked.
  6. Feet protruding from alley. Dead druggie, recently OD'd. On his chest is exotic drug, extremely valuable. Druggie had stolen it from gang not long ago. If P interacts, gang watches. If they take any, gang gets drop on them at opportune moment, demands drugs. Won't be a problem if P just hands it over. 
  7. Toddler crying, alone. That's all. I'm sorry.
  8. Vicious yet friendly dog. This dog is bigger and meaner than you. Choose one PC. Dog tackles PC, licks incessantly. Dragging busted chain. Used to guard fancy place. If PC mentions home, dog will lead them back to unguarded treasure-filled place. 
  9. Narc. Sketchy dude's got awesome drugs for sale: not addictive, mechanical benefits, everything. Super illegal. You make the deal, you get busted. Cops everywhere. 
  10. A very special random encounter. Prostitute offers services. He/she's a looker. "You really wanna do this?" If PC agrees to go through with it, prostitute reveals self as vigilante, attempts to castrate/kill. Afterward, rumors of said vigilante. 
  11. Marriage counseling. P overhears Hilda, kind + shrewd merchant wife, in tears relating to sister how husband Torvald is unrepentant adulterer. "I just want him dead. He doesn't deserve to live. I'd give anything." Will actually pay great bank for discreet assassination. Will be easy. Torvald doesn't try to hide his comings/goings.
  12. Window-shopping. PC spots something incredibly valuable through an upper-story window. Wall beneath is ripe for climbing. Easy grab-and-go if you can make the climb without folks on the street seeing. Presuming there's no guards in the room.

Sunday, February 16, 2014


  1. Recounting of hated things. One w/Beat-in Face hates flowers. No-ears hates meadows even more. Orange-body hates glades. W: continue recounting hated topography in orcish until you can't think of anymore. Follow the orcs as they go to destroy the last beautiful thing mentioned. 
  2. Torturing wildlife. Its cries, their laughter and grunting. W: choose a PC, zoom in on her. Test her fortitude: fight or flight. Pass: her player chooses. Fail: 50/50. Give her a bonus if she charges in. She acts too quickly for the other players to stop her. 
  3. Leadership challenge. Argument between preppy squad alpha and hungry wannabe. Trashtalk, hooting, spectator-encircling. W: the two strip naked. First to disembowel the other wins! 80/20 alpha wins. 
  4. What is this feeling. Disregard #. There is one orc, large intelligent eyes. He is caring in secret for a wounded spotted goat, stroking its face. He doesn't know how to help it. Very protective of it, embarrassed and incomprehensible of his compassion. R+ if you go Dungeon Veterinarian.   
  5. Sharing-circle. The orcs are circled up, standing one at a time to recount with great solemnity and attention to physical detail, in stop-motion poetry, their last murder/torture. This is very meaningful to everyone. W: a sketchy rat-tailed orc laughs. The rest murder him quickly and leave him in his pooling blood while the sharing-circle completes. They will drag him and toss him somewhere.
  6. Graffiti gangs. Split the # in half. One half wears lamb skulls; the other wolf skulls. One tags in blood, the other in tar. They meet and yell over who gets to tag the intersection. W: fight. Each round, random side loses a man. Check morale as normal. 
  7. Usurpation. Conspiracy afoot. These are the last moments of a plot to overthrow the orc leader. They whisper and look sketchy. W: follow them as they burst in and try for the coup: 80/20 fail. 
  8. Plots. The pocketwatched strategist plans the next raid. Hears questions from underlings. W: kills a yes-man without anger, in perfect deliberation. If the PCs can understand orcish: they now know their next move and have time to warn whomever, set up ambushes, etc. Orcs then head for the shrine of their terrible deity.
  9. Masquerade. A ritual procession wearing crude wooden masks. They bear bowls of the greatest foods orcs can cook. Are actually human-edible. Still gross. Each cries out a single word, then the next cries out. Long way to tell a story. W: follow to open area in which they present the food to the priest-whittler of the masks. He eats a bowl, judges it good, and the rest have a raucous feast with plenty of intoxicants.  
  10. Gravity gun. Hushed whispers. The orcs have found a solar-powered gravity gun (very long line of effect; attract/repulse items at projectile speeds up to its charge limit; charge limit 2000 lbs; recharges 100lbs/hr in bright sun, less in dimmer light; each repulsion/attraction reduces charge by weight of object). Got no charge right now, only shakes/hums. Of course can be recharged. W: will bring to their leader for storage in hate-treasury. 

Thursday, February 13, 2014


I apologize in advance.

  1. Chasing an escaped, half-skinned tawny cat. Unbearable cries. Please euthanize it. W: 3r, the most depraved will catch it and finish skinning it with bare hands, then leave it there alive.
  2. Who-Is-More-Hardcore-Competition. Chopping bits off themselves w/rusty cleavers. W: 1t, both are winners/losers. Spectators fall to cannibalizing the competitors. 
  3. Blissed out. High as kites on azure cave-drippings. Follow them to the source-stalactite. 
  4. Rageheads. Wired like a crackhead drinking a redbull. Aggressive like distillation of depraved testosterone. W: 9r, one bumps into another, and they choke on each other's intestines while the others laugh. Follow to source of mood-altering bloodred crystalline substance.
  5. Art. Tremendous cackling. They are destroying beautiful frescoe, will fall asleep in its rubble.
  6. Science. Area contains huge precision titrimetry system. They are playing dodgebeaker with the stuff. 1/6 items thrown are caustic/flammable. 
  7. Humanities. Goblins excreting. Ripping pages from ancient tomes for waste paper. d6 (50g) tomes left unless W
  8. Friendship. Arms lashed together, butting heads repeatedly, bleeding, screaming. Others chanting, jumping. W: 3r, both pass out, not dead. General celebration: these shall be friends for life.
  9. Profanity. [censored] activities with religious statue. If P slaughters goblins, statue will animate, grant boon, promise blessing if goblin-genocide complete and statue washed in the blood of them all. Will deliver too. 
  10. Oral history. The rest @ attention as wizened goblin narrates highlight reel of tribe. Accompanied by goblins performing obscene puppetry reenactments with skeletons of victims affixed to poles. 
  11. Drink after work. Chugging fermented rat-milk from skull-mugs as they drag back their rotted kills to the larder.
  12. Non-Aggression Principle. A goblin has somehow come to the conclusion that they should live at peace with other intelligent beings. He is preaching, toga-clad. W: 6r, they eat him alive out of boredom.


  1. Heated theological debate. Chaplain Anthem (drawl and long, coin-threaded hair): the goddess delights in us more than other men, for our evil creates space for her mercy. Heavy-conscienced pocked Erluth opposes: Anthem blasphemes; the goddess is too pure to look on us; she will dance with spiked slippers on our backs forever, but still we must worship her. ~R: invite comment by party; +2R if religious PC holds forth. After holding forth, +R = swayed to PC side, are cool w/P. W: (1d6: 1 Anthem kills Erluth; 2-3 Anthem brutally escalates; 4-5 Erluth brutally escalates; 6: Erluth kills Anthem). Others swayed to side of winner. 
  2. Real talk. Muscular metro Charltham finally "talking about it": I trusted her, and that's how she repays me, with him! P knows one/both. W: goes on 2t, crying 6r in. Bandits stay for the whole thing. Supportive chaps.
  3. Locker room talk. Absolutely vile recounting of Kurzen's conquests. P knows one/more of the girls. Obscenity to the max. The guys all yucking it up except one, weedy fellow Wilton.
  4.  Confession. Handsome pierced Vilmar giddy about his attraction to gang leader Theral. W: others convince Vilmar to go for it; they giggle when he leaves.
  5. Philosophical debate. Are possible worlds real? What does that even mean? Smoking sophisticate Hithen insists they are real and necessary for modal statements. Drunk growling Mycon retorts: if it's not nominalism, it's nonsense. W: they yell, are restrained, and go off to appeal to boss. 
  6. Sparring. Nervous gangly Earbald learning spear + shield from imposing stoic Ulima. W: rough session, not much talent, but Ulima encourages him. Ulima giving him more tips as they walk off. 
  7. Target practice. Knives/bows/whatever. Huge Mirren and sarcastic Harful evenly matched, escalate to increasingly complicated trick shots. When you can't think of any more, niceguy Spears steps in front of Mirren's shot, gravely wounded. Mirren devastated, panicking. If P offers aid, +R.
  8. Racing. Pregame trash talk 6r; then Birlog the ref counts down from 6, whistles to signal begin!
  9. Rehearsal. Orations in meter ("For what offense to gods or men / Do I stand here to be condemned / By such a dirty, stupid lot / Which soon, I hope, shall be forgot?"). Preparing for a play (The Trial of Anaximander) for boss's pleasure tonight. W: timid bearded Halfar forgets his lines for the third time, collapses. Does anyone else remember? No. If P is willing to help in the play, +R, plus monetary reward on successful performance. Any cultured PC will know the play.
  10. Maintenance. Oiling/sharpening murder-stuff. Infan insists on the efficacy of some absurd method of birth control; Marther insists Infan has never even done it once. Marther is correct. W: come to blows; Marther wins w/single knockout punch. Scattered applause. 
  11. Excretion. Smiley Wilverford wants to talk business; Carver says man I don't understand you don't be talking right now you always do this. Wilverford says why waste time, what else are we gonna do? etc.  
  12. Sleepwalking. You'll hear them before you see them. All are sleepwalking. It's the purple fuzzy etalubmanmos (eh-TAL-ub-MAN-muss) fungus growing here that does it. Yelling joyous nonsense.

Wednesday, February 12, 2014


  1. Gruff teacher showing rookies the ropes. Carbuncular (literally: small acne-rubies worth 50g altogether, rare condition) youth stringing a tripwire. Wait: youth fumbles, springs trap, decapitated by scythe. Kobolds intone solemn chant for t, attracting # of other kobolds, who will gather the body and prepare for bottomless pit funeral.
  2. Funeral procession (3#), plaintive chanting, lovely. They will not react even if attacked but will rather be slaughtered; this martyrdom is especially savory to their deity. Led by honey-voiced priestess bedecked with holy jewelry (3d6x10g). 
  3. Funeral afterparty overflow. Nearby chamber packed with kobolds just off a funeral. Half drunk. Overflow of mourners spills into adjoining passageway. Maudlin recollections of the deceased.  
  4. Digging a pit trap with gorgeous bone-shovels. No foreman. Workers in 4' pit complaining, wanting to be relieved. Can climb out of pit at 1/2 speed. Those at top playing balance-game: see how far feet can dangle before falling in. 
  5. Resetting arrow traps along passage. Long, narrow tubes hold arrow, allow to be pushed into wall and locked into place. When done, pressure plate snaps back up. Singing a work song: cheery, about sculpture and dismemberment. 
  6. Kobold Roulette. Partially reset spear trap hallway. 1/6 armed: randomly determine which. Bullied kobold taking "friends" up on a dare to prove he's cool enough to go out hunting with them tonight. He'll do one plate on his own and will be goaded to do one more before having a panic attack in front of third. "Friends" laugh, take off. Especially willing to parlay. Wants vengeance, rare steak, belonging.
  7. Bread eaten in secret. These have swiped prized cavefish stuffed bread hot from chef's oven. Will be flayed alive if found out. Happy savory noises. Whispers of culinary delight.
  8. Funeral. 3# gathered around bottomless pit. High pitched priest orates seriously, youths at edges giggle. Wait: body on stone bier tossed into pit. Each kobold pronounces benediction, spits into pit, makes for the afterparty.
  9. Readers. Gathered around cavewall cuneiform. Serial kobold adventure novel. Exclamation of surprise. Wait: will pound ground at end—author killed fav kobold. Will walk off (random direction) jabbering about next installment. 
  10. Tattoo parlor. Others holding down yipping kobold as he endures rough tattooing. A long gash across chest to celebrate his first trap's first kill. Wearing some armor off the corpse. 
  11. Jump game. 2# gathered around pit trap, watching two athletes (Scar & Spike) prepping to jump across pit, meet each other in air, attempt to throw other into pit and land on other side. No spikes in this pit. Wait: (1d6: 1 Scar wins; 2 both fall in and redo; 3-5 miss; 6 Spike wins). Each time there's no winner, crowd gets louder. Easy to sneak away after a few.
  12. Trial. As jump game (11), but there are spikes on the pit. Defendant painted white, plaintiff black. Accusation of adultery. Crowd nervous. Quieter each round. Will disperse silently.